Someone recently said to me, "You are too nice." I am not much for small talk, so I just smiled and went about my business. Let me give you some context. My "business" was this: I was at our neighborhood pool, laying on a lounge chair, reading a book, and got up twice to retrieve a ball for my daughter because she had accidentally thrown the ball out of the water. "You are too nice." This is not the first time I have been told this, and thus labeled. The delivery makes it seem like a character flaw...an extreme. Too divisive, too political, too liberal, too conservative, too strict, too old, too young, too much information (TMI!), too nice. What is one to do when designated as being too _____?
First of all, I need to find out where one gets certified to classify others on site. In other words, why did that person feel the need to comment at all? I am not a big talker, and I do not typically initiate conversations. But still. Why say anything, in response to another human being helping another human being, other than something positive. Or nothing at all ("Silence is golden"). Perhaps he subscribes to the "silence is complicity" philosophy. I digress. Shouldn't it be innate to help another living thing. It is biological, right? Families, communities, ecosystems, depending upon one other for survival, happiness, growth, development, etc. Sure, there are parasites, predators, negative relationships and they have their place in the grand scheme of things, but do we not prefer, appreciate, and cultivate nice, helpful, cooperative, and so on?
I know of a family who suffered a tragedy earlier in the year. A son and father were returning from a trip and get involved in a serious car accident. Both are now well, but the father was seriously injured and had to endure significant physical rehabilitation. The son was physically unharmed for the most part. The mother shared, later in the year, that had it been worse, she would not have hoped for a different outcome because, seemingly, her husband had lived his life and her son still had a lot of life to live...he was too young to die. Too young. I guess the dad was too experienced to live. I have reflected on this quite a bit. A loved one commenting on when it would be appropriate, acceptable (not sure what word fits here) for another to die, based upon their age and/or life experiences, or lack thereof. Too deep for me, but perhaps she was being too honest. Brutally honest? Another awkward combo....brutality and honesty.
Is there a point to all of this? Anything to learn? A takeaway? A
product? Perhaps it is too nebulous, too ambiguous, too hazy, too murky. My takeaway is this. I am comfortable with myself...it has been a journey. Yes, I am likely too nice, but I consider that a good thing. I am also reflective and will thus think about self-improvement based upon feedback from others and my own self-awareness (is that redundant?). We should definitely think before we speak, but also keep in mind that we can control our actions, but we cannot control other's reactions.
